My dreams. Open for your interpretation.

I have pretty vivid dreams all the time. I tend to believe they mean something.

Last night I had a dream I was at my parents house and it was haunted by a demon that I couldn’t see. But then finally I saw it. It was the face of a woman on the ceiling. Then I saw her standing on top of the stairs. But by the time I realized it was real, it was too late. She had taken over the house and I couldn’t get out. So I just kind of gave up.

I woke up and it took me a few minutes to realize it was just the dream. I had the option of over-thinking it and staying up the extra hour and a half before my alarm went off or convincing myself it was just a dream. Sleep prevailed. It usually does.

In other news. Hilary sent me a google wave invite. I’m interested in trying it out. I have a feeling it will confuse me very much (like twitter) before I actually realize it’s purpose. But I’m pumped.

An invitation

these are the kinds of invites I get.. taken directly from an IM convo

“question. if i buy concert tickets and can’t find a broad to bone afterward, will you go with me? “

List

Warning:

This is Girly (with a capital G), so if you continue reading and get pissed you wasted your time, joke’s on you.

Whining:

I used to write for this one Philly Girl dating blog. I liked doing it. It was fun. But after a while it forced me to admit to myself that I really am an inherently awful dater. Not only am I as awkward Lindsey Lohan wearing panties, I was writing the blog for a year and was still in the exact same position as when I was writing it. And it wasn’t the position I was lookin’ for, if ya know what I mean (badabing.) I felt like I needed to start prefacing each post by saying “I’m not fat….but, here’s why I’m single this week…”

So, by forcing myself to look at my dating style I can acknowledge that rarely does a dude live up to long list of standards which I judge them upon. Thus I’ve been officially single for about three years. It’s my longest dry spell in a while. And when I actually sit down to look at my non-existent-yet-impossible-to-measure-up-to-list, it becomes very clear why I’m said single state. This list consists of, but it probably not limited to…

1.) Being impossibly good looking, minimal scruff to light beard. Anything less or more is unacceptable.

2.) 5’10 or taller. Sure, I’m only 5’2 but there’s something about being picked up that I love.

3.) A little hipster but not too hipster. People don’t understand this distinction and always set me up with beardos who look like they’ve been hiding out in the woods for the last 20 years mailing bombs to all of the people who failed to appreciate their eclectic taste of crap music in high school.

4.) My family is very very religious. I am not. So it would help if they were raised catholic/ Christian and have strayed or can at least flirt with my mom enough that she’ll forgive the fact that he, and our future family, will inevitably burn in hell. I’m OK with that fact. I like the heat. In fact, I never even put an air conditioner up this summer.

5.) Has a job. I can barely support my cats and myself.

6.) Can make me laugh. Now I realize this is a tall order. So I’m cool as long as you laugh at my jokes cause I’m funny as shit.

That’s just the preliminary round. I’ll tell you the others if I ever find a dude that can pass round one. Note: This isn’t to say if he has a little more 6 than 5, he isn’t acceptable. E.g. If he has no beard and flirts with my mom like a champ, well, then let the hell fires burn.

I think I’m going to do one of the Shmitten Kitten speed dating jawns.

UPDATE#1

Ammendment to list. There is a #7

#7 You are Ryan Gosling

Right in front of me

Sometimes I wonder why I’m single, then I realize the answers are right there in front of me.

Me:
there is one dude that i had a jonsin for
i think he’s scared of me though

Greg:
oof
he probably is

Me:
most likely
although i didn’t fart or anything